Children can teach you more than you can teach them.  I have gradually changed many of my attitudes and preconceived notions over my years of motherhood.  Granted, If I had known that my offspring would be so challenging, I may have reconsidered bringing them into the world.  I have had days like that.  Haven’t all parents?

There is a school of thought out there (and I mean “out there”) that claims that our souls choose our lives and what other souls from our soul group we will have as family members and friends.  According to this theory, for lack of a better word, we generally choose a life and soul mates that can teach us things we wish we had learned while incarnated in a different life and time.  If this is true, then I must have been a really intolerant and judgemental soul in my last incarnation.  Apparently, between incarnations, I realized that unconditional love and acceptance were traits I needed to learn.  This I have been taught by my soul mates in this life.

My first child was diagnosed with ADD.  As in most cases of children with the disorder, we didn’t really realize there was a significant problem until she started school.  While the attention deficit was noticed in her school work, I have to say that her social interaction and behavior worried me more.  She didn’t seem to connect well with other kids her age and could be disrepectful and sometimes beligerant to adults.  I tried to tell myself that it was because she had different interests, some of which were far beyond others her age.  While some children seem to delight in forming cliques and excluding others, she was okay with walking around lost in her thoughts and even smiling to herself and occasionally skipping (or, to this day, what passes for skipping).  I substitued for a couple of hours once at her school and observed her funny little ways.  I suppose it was her way of escaping the rigors of the classroom.  Every year I prayed, to no avail, for an understanding teacher and administration. Sometimes though, prayers go unanswered for a reason.  She was not quiet finished with the fifth grade when her father and I decided to home school.  I sensed that the school was greatly relieved by our decision.  The course work was not difficult for us since both my husband and I have college degrees, but the logistics of it were sometimes daunting.  I worked long days two days a week and had to bring her to grandparents on the days I worked.  They lived in a town twenty miles away.  I had to prepare her work assignments the night before and drop her off at 6:30 AM to 7:00 AM so that I would have time to get back to go to work.  It was difficult, but worth it.  I saw the pent up anger begin to melt away in a week.  The ourbursts became fewer and farther between.  We all gained a bit of peace. We had our evenings back.  I don’t wish ADD or ADHD on anyone, and I do wish her life would have been easier, especially the social part.  But she is more than okay now,  She is a wonderful, mainly self-trained, artist who has just put a great children’s book into print as well as an ebook/audio book for young adults.  So, though our lives together have been challenging, I believe we have all learned to be more nonjudgemental.

My other child was a delight to her teachers and the administration.  She was raised in the same household and by the same parents, but was the polar opposite of her sister.  She was normally well behaved and obedient.  What a relief. Her school work was impeccable and she got along well with others.  Her homework was usually done before she even got home, unlike her sister’s, which usually involved pushing and prodding from 5 PM to 9 PM.  But, when puberty hit, she seemed to develop issues with self-esteem.  My once happy, vibrant, and active child grew more sullen and introverted. I chalked up the change to hormones and hoped it would pass.  No parent wants to see their child struggle with anything, especially unhappiness.  Her high school years were filled with a few close friends and she seemed happier, yet I knew in my heart something was missing.  She was very successful in academics and won many scholarships.  Her father and I were thrilled and looked forward to her college years.  Those years, however, were not to be what we had hoped for her.  She was dealing with too many deep personal issues that clouded her academic success and interpersonal relationships. I couldn’t put my finger on exactly what was wrong.  As she drifted from one romantic entanglement to another (with other girls), we realized and accepted that she was gay.  Later, after much soul searching on her part, she came to the realization that she was transgendered.  I kind of suspected that since she was five or six years old but thought that it was a passing phase.  As it turns out, it wasn’t.  Again, we had  a lesson from one of our children about unconditional love.

If this theory of picking your soul mates in you next incarnation is correct, then we picked wisely.  When I hear the derogatory comments from others about gay or transgendered  people or people with ADD or ADHD, I thank God for my children.  If not for them, perhaps I would be one of those people.  You would think that I would judge others for their comments, but judging, too, I have given up.  I just think to myself that they are disadvantaged to have not had the priviledge of having their eyes opened to unconditional love. They are speaking out or fear of those who are different.  If their comments stem simply from curiousity, I try to educate them from my experiences.  If their comments belittle or poke fun at these souls, I simply say that it is not my place to judge, but, that I believe that God’s love for his children is unconditional.  After all, I have to work with them and don’t want to erode the comfort zone in our workplace.  Hopefully, someday, their eyes will be opened, and they too shall see.  One can only dream.